JOKES-ENGLISH SMS
A FATHER ASKS PEON: HOW ARE THE STUDIES IN THIS COLLEGE? WHERE DO I SEE MY SON IN FUTURE? PEON: THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT, I HAD ALSO COMPLETED MY ENGINEERING FROM THE SAME COLLEGE
“ME SICK, NO WORK” BOSS SMS BACK: “WHEN I AM SICK I KISS MY WIFE TRY IT” 2 HOURS LATER SARDAR SMS 2 BOSS: “ME OK, UR WIFE VERY SWEET”
INDIAN- I HAVE 4 SISTER N 3 BROTHERS WHAT ABT U? AMERICAN-I HAV NO SIS OR NO BRO BUT I HAV 4 MOMS FRM 1ST DAD N 5 DADS FRM MY 1ST MOM
JUDGE:WHY DID U SHOOT UR WIFE INSTEAD OF SHOOTING HER LOVER?MAN:UR HONOUR, IT\'S EASIER 2 SHOOT A WOMAN ONCE,THAN ----SHOOTING A MAN EVERY MONTH
BOY- FROM THE DAY I M UR FRIEND, I M NOT ABLE TO EAT, DRINK OR SMOKE.GIRL- HOW SWEET, SO U R MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME..!BOY- SHUT UP..!!, U MADE MY POCKET EMPTY.
DOCTOR IMPLANTS NEW EAR 2 A MAN MAN: "U FRAUD,U GAVE ME A WOMAN'S EAR" DOC: IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE MAN: "IT DOES,NOW I HEAR EVERYTHING BUT UNDERSTAND NOTHING"
A GIRL WEARING VERY SHORT SKIRT.A BOY ASKS HE WON'T YR MOM TELL ANYTHNG ABT YR DRESS?GIRL REPLIED: MY MOM WILL B VERY ANGRY..BCOZ I'M WEARING HER DRESS.
DAD:WHY AREN'T YOU DOING WELL IN HISTORY?PAPPU:BECAUSE THE TEACHER KEEPS ON ASKING THINGS THAT HAPPENED BEFORE MY BIRTH
HUSBAND:YOU KNOW,OUR SON GOT HIS BRAIN FROM ME...............WIFE:I THINK HE DID,I STILL GOT MINE WITH ME!!!
A BOY GOES TO SEE A CABARE DANCE.HIS MOM GETS ANGRY & ASKS HIM:DID U SEE ANYTHING THER THAT U WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE?BOY:YES,I SAW DAD
DAD: IF U PASS IN THE EXAM I WILL PRESENT U 1 CYCLE.SON: IF I FAIL?DAD: I WILL PRESENT 10 CYCLE.SON: WHY?DAD: TO OPEN CYCLE SHOP.
TEACHE GIVE AN EXAMPLE TO USE NEITHER-NOR. BOY: WHEN GIRLS WEAR TIGHT FITTINGS, NEITHER THEY ARE COMFORTABLE NOR WE ARE COMFORTABLE…
LITTLE JOHNNY: TEACHER, CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM? TEACHELITTLE JOHNNY, MAY I GO TO THE BATHROOM? LITTLE JOHNNY: BUT I ASKED FIRST!
MAN:I'M LOOKING FOR A BOOK-"HOW TO CONTROL UR WIFE"...SALESMAN:SORRY, WE DON'T SELL FICTION
FATHEHOW R UR GRADES, SON?SON: UNDER WATER, DAD.FATHEUNDER WATER? WHAT DO U MEAN?SON: THEY'RE BELOW C LEVEL.
TEACHER:I WISH YOU WOULD PAY A LITTLE ATTENTION!STUDENT:I'M PAYING AS LITTLE AS I CAN SIR
TEACHER:THE BEST WAY TO DOUBLE THE MONEY IN STOCK MARKET!STUDENT:INVEST 4 TIMES THE MONEY!!—
TEACHER : WINNIE, NAME ONE IMPORTANT THING WE HAVE TODAY THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE TEN YEARS AGO.WINNIE : ME!
SIR:G.WASHINGTON NOT ONLY CHOPPED DOWN HIS FATHER'S CHERRY TREE,BUT ALSO ADMITTED DOING IT. NOW,KID, DO YOU KNOW WHY HIS FATHER DIDN'T PUNISH HIM?"KID:BECAUSE GEORGE STILL HAD THE AXE IN HIS HAND.
TEACHER : NOW, SIMON, TELL ME FRANKLY, DO YOU SAY PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?SIMON : NO SIR, I DON'T HAVE TO, MY MOM IS A GOOD COOK.
TEACHER:WHAT WAS THE FIRST THINK AKBAR DID ON ASCENDING TO THE THRONE?STUDENT:WELL,HE SAT DOWN
T'CHER:WHAT DO WE DO WITH CRUDE OIL?S'DENT:TEACH IT SOME MANNERS
SIR:TOM,WOT WUD HAPPEN IF THERE IS A3RD WORLD WAR?TOM:THT WUD BE TERRIBLE.SIR:WHY?TOM:THERE WLL BE ANOTHER CHAPTER IN OUR HISTORY BOOK
TEEN BOY:DAD I WANT TO BE LIKE GHANDHIJI DAD:GOOD WHY NOT..!BOY:THANX DAD SO LETS START WITH MARRIAGE AS GANDHIJI WERE MARRIED AT AGE OF 14
WHY DO U TAKE YOUR WIFE 2 NIGHT CLUBS ONLY?LALOO-BY THE TIME SHE GETS READY NO OTHR PLACE IS OPEN
FIRST LADY-"IF YOU DONT LOVE YOUR HUSBAND WHY DONT YOU DIVORCE HIM???"2ND LADY-OH I HATE HIM SO MUCH THAT I DONT WANT TO SEE HIM HAPPY
HUS: DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF WIFE? IT IS WITHOUT INFORMATION, FIGHTING EVERYTIME! WIFE: NO DARLING, ITS : WITH IDIOT FOR EVER
RAMPA: WHAT IS THE COST OF HAIR CUT?BARBERS 20RAMPA: THEN WHAT IS THE COST OF SHAVING?BARBERS 10RAMPA: OH! OK PLEASE SHAVE MY HEAD
LADY SITTING ON A PARK BENCH.BEGGAR:HI DARLING.!SHALL V HAVE SOME FUN ?LADY ANGRILY:HOW DARE U ?BEGGAR:THEN WHAT R U DOIN ON MY BED ?
TEACHER:DRAW A DIAGRAM OF BACTERIA PAPPU:HERE IT IS SIR TEACHER:WHERE? U HAVEN'T DRAWN ANYTHING PAPPU:SIR,CN U SEE BACTERIA WITHOT MICROSCOP
COLLEGE JOKE OF THE YEAR:LECTURE"UR HEAD IS FULL OF COW DUNG.."STUDENT: "OH, THAT'S WHY, U EAT MY HEAD EVERYDAY."-
FATHWHICH R D 2 HARDEST THINGS U LEARNT IN COLLEGE?SON: OPENING BEER BOTLES WTH TEETH & LIGHTING CIGARETE WTH ONLY 1 MATCH LEFT IN HEAVY WIND!
TEACHER:2RROW THR LL B A LECTURE ON D SUN.U MUST ALL ATTEND RAJU:I'LL NT B ABLE 2 MAK IT SIR.TEACHR:Y?RAJU:MOM LL NT LET ME GO SO FAR
MAN1: I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY BCOZ I M AFRAID OF WOMAN.MAN2: GET MARRIED SOON, THEN U'LL B AFRAID OF ONLY 1 WOMAN N START LOVING OTHER
WHAT DO U CALL IF BILL GATE'S MOTHR GETS BORED.?BEAT THISANY GUESS?MOTHERBOARD!GUD NITE
BOY & GIRL IN RESTAURANT.BOY-I LOVE U..GIRL-I DONT LOVE U..BOY-THINK AGAIN?GIRL-I TOLD U NOBOY-WAITER,BRING SEPERATE BILLS.GIRL-I LOVE U TOO..
WIFE:WHEREVER WE KEEP D MONEY, OUR SON STEALS IT.I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT ITHUS: KEEP IT IN HIS ENGINEERING BOOKS. HE'L NEVER TOUCH.
TEACHER : PETER,WHY ARE YOU LATE FOR SCHOOL AGAIN? PETEWELL, MISS,I DREAMED THAT I WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL AND THE GAME WENT INTO EXTRA TIME
TWO COCKROACH WERE HOSPITALIZED FOR INJURIES... 1ST ASKED:HOW COME HERE,BAYGON..? 2ND SAID:NO MAN,PARAGON..
TEACHE"WHERE IS HIMALAYA?"STUDENT: "MADAM, I DONT KNOW."TEACHE"DONT KNOW?? STAND ON THE DESK."STUDENT: "I STILL CANT SEE.
BOY ASKS A GIRL: CAN U DANCE WITH ME. GIRL: I DONT DANCE WITH A CHILD.. BOY: SORRY, I DID NOT KNOW U WERE PREGNANT.
WIFE WAS TEACHING ENGLISH GRAMMAR TO HER HUSBAND. WIFE- 'I AM BEAUTIFUL.' WHICH TENSE IS THIS? HUSBAND- PAST TENSE.-
ELEPHANT &ANT WERE WALKING ON A BRIDGETHEN D ELEPHANT LOOKD DOWN 2THE RIVER SUDENLY ANT BITED D ELEPHANT.WHY?BCOZ ANTS WIFE WAS BATHING IN D RIVER.
HISTORY TEACHEFROM WHERE TO WHERE DID THE MUGHALS RULE?STUDENT: SIR, I AM NOT SURE BUT I THINK FROM PAGE 15 TO 26.
MR.BEAN SAID TO HIS GIRLFRIEND"I LUV U"& FELL DOWN. AGAIN TOLD"I LUV U"&FELL DOWN.GIRL: Y U R DOING LIKE THIS? MR.BEAN: I AM FALLING IN LOVE
